I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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