One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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