I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
