what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
