The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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