so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
