this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
