Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
