On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
