Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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