I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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