If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
