My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
