ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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