Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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