Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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