Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
