she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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