You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
