Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
