tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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