Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize