She said her name was "party"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
