i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
