I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
