They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize