So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
