I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
