there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
