i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
