.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
