and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
