I accidentally had phone sex last night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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