Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
