am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
