Will you blow on my dice?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
