how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
