If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
