He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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