we have pet lesbian snakes
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
