Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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