Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize