I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
