I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize