So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
