Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
