Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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