So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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