Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
