I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize