Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Randomize
