I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
