Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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