If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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