That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
