Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
