no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
