We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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