he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
