the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
