Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
