How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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