Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize