so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
