Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
