your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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