Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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