There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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