so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
