Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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