Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
