HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
