I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
