My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
