oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize