No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
