Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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