So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
