I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
