Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
