Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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