I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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