Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
