just tell him i said nine months
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
