I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
