No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize