At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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