I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
