Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
