Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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