If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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