she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
