Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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