You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
