The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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