i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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